THE NEVER-ENDING WORRIES OF A WOMAN WHO THINKS TOO MUCH
(long entry...pardon my ramblings...ignore this post unless you're bored..i just needed to ramble)
When i was worried our relationship might be less than perfect, i got anxious.
It sounds rather ridiculous actually...but i was actually worried about something that hasn't even happened...i was just convinced anything might happen...
i was constantly plagued by questions of what if we quarrel..what would i do if we disagree of this and that...
it was almost as though i was too protective over something that i'm treasure so much...
he didn't let me read the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"...
he felt there wasn't any formula to sustaining a relationship other than effort.
yea..its probably right..sometimes the more you try..the more you find that you don't understand someone and the more you feel disheartened
our relationship has its highs and lows.
we squabble over the phone sometimes..
and its so ironic because we squabble because we wanted the best for the other person, we wanted to save each other the trouble...we were just both so protective of this beautiful love we have for each other.
these few days have been so magical for me.
i'm probably a hard princess to please...with my character..i dislike boredom..bring me to a place to eat more than twice, its boring..
eat dinners and lunch and take walks all the time..its boring
i'm so used to drama in my life!
island hopping or rollerblading when i'm adventurous,
sitting by cafes to read books when i'm feeling nostalgic,
singing, dancing, running... i somehow just need something different in my life all the time..
change is my constant.
and i mean rapid changes all the time..
and for a person like my boyfriend to keep up to my pace is probably killing him.
he can be contented with eating the same fare everyday or strolling around in the same parks..
i guess being a relationship and even being friends with people means giving and taking
take a bit of yourself out to accomodate the other.
he came over to surprise me with "room service" at my hostel on thursday and we went to science centre to play on friday.. he spent his off day with me just solving silly scientific puzzles and just looking at those stuff..its really a good place to build a relationship up when u crack ur brains to solve stuff together...saturday was spent at KAP mugging for my exam and me making dinner for him at my house.. ya...look at the activity i need in life to feel un-bored..
i'm a hyperactive.
anyways i don't exactly know how to explain how magical everything was but it made me a very happy woman this weekend..
communication is the key? i finally understood what it means...and communication requires you to tell the truth to the other even if it hurts...and just working things out for the long run.
WHY can't i just be happy and the story ends with me being a happy woman?!?
no...i have to start worrying AGAIN...
Its like feeling like you are his one and only at one point in time...
You are brimming with happiness and bliss, convinced he was waiting for you all his life...
only to start wondering whether you were his one and only all his life
its so ironic for me to talk about this, since i believe in trying out relationships before finding THE ONE, not giving up on love and opportunity.
But being a petty woman, it still feels weird to think about previous people that he might have loved before me.
Its like this constant comparison of whether she is better or i am in my head
Its the curiousity of why he liked her..of whether he still likes her...and its the scary thought that you might be a substitute..or that you might lose him to her one day again...
*shudders*
all these has no supporting evidence and in fact his love now is undeniable.
yet....the selfish you still can't get over the fact that you are not the only one he loved in his life.
selfish thoughts cloud my mind..
they're wrong.and evil, to want to know i'm the only one like ever...
when in fact...i can't even say that for myself..
i don't like myself sometimes...
SO PETTY!
bleah.
I think too much...
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